and stars

and stars

and stars

and stars.  and pain.  and holy shit i can’t believe how bad my head just started pounding.  it’s you.  you’re in there.  in my face.  in my space.  i can feel your spit hit my cheek why can’t i lift my hand lift my arm move my head to wipe the spit off and why can’t i say anything???  i look down.  i look down and see you crying screaming WHY and i don’t think i’m breathing the blood pooling under my head but like a river i swim against the unconscious current fighting/fighting/finding my way back/i tiptoe back.

schizophrenic delusions

devil's sandbox - the remix - II

black and blue v

black and blue iv

black and blue iii

footprints III

in front of me/

make me wonder/

when I washed away/

the remnants of the day/

i heard about someone/

once upon a time/

leaving footprints in the sand/

i can’t help but wonder/

if they were/

widely spaced/

because he was running away/

i don’t buy into/

that prattle/

about being carried/

when you’re not strong enough/

to walk on your own/

because there’s no way in hell/

(if you’ll pardon the pun)/

that an army of one could/

lift us all up off our feet/

faith is the belief/

in the things you can’t see/

but there’s got to be/

more than/

the loss of a raven/

and return of a dove/

before i can claim any belief/

but i’m not here for that today/

or to argue away/

any chance you have/

of some solace/

i just can’t quite believe/

or maybe it’s see/

the person you want me to be/

there are no flowers/

in my repertoire/

and i never could claim softness of heart/

so if there’s some kind of/

problem/

with that/

we should make a new start/

and see where our yesterdays go/

i’m grasping at straws/

and fenced in by walls/

because every so often/

the muse goes on hiatus/

and i’m left here/

alone/

with these memories/

and no way/

to get them all down/

then the chatter begins/

and i wonder/

what may be real/

versus what i just want/

because you can shit in your hand/

but i never did understand/

why anyone would do such a thing/

there’s a cadence inside me/

trying to break free/

but my hand can’t keep up with my head/

there’s those bloody footprints/
and someone should scream/

because somewhere everything changed/

i wish you were a little more fragile/

so i could be a little more secure/

because if you needed me/

i wouldn’t have to need you/

but on paper it’s ridiculous/

just some warped and rambling/

mind vomit/

i missed/

i mopped up the spill/

because it can’t always stay inside/

when the muse has died/

maybe she’s at a strip joint in Reno/

it doesn’t matter where or when/

when everything’s then/

and then everything’s now/

i can’t do what you say/

not now, not today/

i need to be me/

in my own innocent way/

but every time i look in the mirror/

i see the me/

you want to see/

once upon a time/

i was a professional nightmare/

i spent my days/

haunting thoughts of others/

now i don’t know where i’ve gone/

or when/

it just happened again/

because my tattoos/

and my jewelry/

are missing/

and somewhere under this drivel/

i’m still here/

i’m just shriveled/

you see what i have to resort to when the music inside my head is turned to off?